Red for Thought Mom Talk: An Honest Conversation Between Moms – Red for Thought

Mom Talk: An Honest Conversation Between Moms

The “One and Done” Mom

Hazel Reyes is the mom of one child; Emi 8

Hazel is a jack of all trades and a master of all. She works during the week as a Pedagogical Coordinator of the best preschool in Miami, she’s a makeup artist on the weekends and she is a bad ass mom. She is hilarious and doesn’t take herself too seriously. She can shimmy all the way down to the floor and absolutely loves a stuffed crust pizza. I can count on her to come with me to do just about any errand under the sun and she usually goes everywhere with a blue heart shaped purse that I think she should give to her daughter. She’s had one baby and she’s pretty much done.

Here is our Q + A: 

Q: You have one child. A daughter—a dream. Lucky bitch. Do you want anymore?

H: Living it…living it!

A: Ok but for real, do you want any more? Like, really, truthfully?

H: I do…but then it’s going to be sappy. It’s going to be a sappy story.

A: Why?

H: I mean, ideally I would love to have two and I would love to have my second one now. I wouldn’t want wait anymore. I don’t want to be an old mom.

A: How old is Emi?

H: She’s 8…she just turned July 23rd and I turned 30 on December 28th so I want to do it now y ya salir de eso!

Q: How old were you when you got pregnant with Emi? How old were you when you had her?

H: 23…I was 24 when I had her.

This was like a long mathematical equation for us to figure out…finally, she was 23

A: Wow

H: Yeah I was super young and it was super unexpected.

Hazel has been married to Allan, her husband and Emi’s father for 11 years. They started dating when she was fifteen! When Emi came along, they had already been married for a few years… 

Q: Ok, you’ve said before you kind of don’t want to have any more kids. Why?

H: Because I’m selfish. I think I’m still very young and both me and Allan, my husband have both been ok with being selfish. We know we are the best of parents that we can be with Emi. We give her everything we possibly can and more. We can have one and continue living the life we do. We continue saving and travel once a year.

A: Tell the fans where you went last summer, cabrona.

H: Well, we landed in Paris and spent a few days there…we rented a car and drove to the Netherlands and then drove to Belgium and spent one last night in Paris.

A: No big deal.

H: No, not at all.

Q: What about your life make having one child easy?

H: The fact that i can go anywhere and do anything. It’s very flexible. Especially now since she’s 8 it’s like having this companion with me. It’s not a hassle anymore, she’s very independent also. So that contributes to my sanity.

A: Do you think she’s independent because she’s an only child?

H: Because she’s an only child and because she’s been raised by only adults. She’s very comfortable in that environment. So when I go out like me and my girlfriends, she comes along and none of my friends have kids so it’s nice.

A: The teachers here who are your friends, they’re basically raising Emi with you because we’ve all known you since before you had her.

H: Exactly. Wherever I go or whatever I do, it’s with the same group of women who know her. So she feels very comfortable.

Q: What about your life makes having one child hard?

H: When I have these sappy moments that happen often with her lately…She’ll ask why she is the only kid in her class that’s an only child..that’s not fair, I have to sleep alone…etc…Those moments make it a little hard.

A: Right. And also one of the reasons why you don’t have more kids…it’s financial and you aren’t going to put that burden on her. So what do you say when she asks?

H: I tell her that every family is completely different and we are happy the way we are. I pointed out to her that we went to Paris this summer and we wouldn’t necessarily be able to in another circumstance. I point out to her the amazing life she has and all the things she gets to do. I don’t know if I’m doing it right.

A: I don’t think there is a right or wrong way.

H: Yeah, I don’t care.

Q: Do you worry you’ll regret not having more, or are you pretty confident that you are done?

H: I feel like I’m going through those moments feelings of regret right now and I’m hoping that later I’ll be like “forget it, the decision was made it’s too late now.”

Q: Does Allan (the husband) want more kids?

H: He’s on my boat. We are OK with being selfish and just living our lives right now just very happy and comfortable, and being able to travel.

A: If you got home now and found out you were pregnant, would you be devastated?

H: We would probably freak out. Like ugh, lots of logistical stuff because we would have to move out of our apartment.

A: But you’d be ok? Would it be ideal?

H: It would not be ideal.

A: What about at this point in your career? I feel like now it would maybe be easier…

H: It would be, and I love my job. It would be easier because I’m here.

Q: Did you like being pregnant?

H: I LOVED IT! I was just talking about this with Allan this weekend. He hated me pregnant. He was like “I swear to God I thought I was going to divorce you. I was not having it. I never expected you to change and to be a bitch like you were.” And I didn’t feel that. I felt beautiful and happy, everyone was feeding me…

A: HA! Well, as your co-teacher I don’t think you were a bitch but you were aggressive with food..

H: I love food. I have such a relationship with it.

A: As do I. That’s why we get along so well.

Q: When did you feel that your life as a mom changed? Like now you can travel and do everything with Emi. I can barely go pee. When is that transition?

H: You know what? The moment she was potty trained. It changed my life, it was so much easier. You know, I love going out to the mall. Really any place that’s difficult to change children so that changed my life.

A: Ok yes but she was still a baby. I’m talking about that “ah-ha” moment when you’re in the clear. Santi is potty trained but he’s still in my face 24-7. Like I’ll want to make an egg and he’ll be randomly around wanting to crack the egg and ask 1,000 questions.

H: Oh, that still happens. She’s always around but I don’t know I’m used to that.

We then spent 15 minutes talking about how much money we saved with potty training, how cute Santi’s new underwear was, etc.. It was really nice. 

Q: When

mean now that she’s closer to 10 I’m panicking now and I’m hoping that I can establish a relationship with her that in the future…I know there has to be boundaries but I want her to trust me and tell me everything. We’ve always had a very open relationship but i’ve had other moms tell me their kids aren’t verbal with them and are surprised Emi is with me. I want that to continue. Right now it’s fun because I can have super deep conversations…She’ll ask me a bunch of questions, even about my childhood.

A: She’s curious already?

H: Oh yes, always. You’re always going to miss when they are babies I feel. Like when they’re 8 months.

A: Oh, like Joaquin is now…

H: That’s my favorite stage.

Q: Ok moving away from this…I posted a while ago about After Birth. But you didn’t have natural had a C-Section…

H: Honestly I never wanted to have a vaginal delivery.

A: Why?

H: It scares me, my thing opening up, ripping up, ripping through my butthole. I don’t like any of that stuff. So I just wanted them  to cut me open. A little stitch here and there–no big deal.

A: Did you like having a c-seciton? You weren’t in pain?

H: I loved it. I had a little bit of gas but that was it.

A: So you never had to use a squirt bottle to pee???? You never had to use an ice pack???

H: NOPE. But my mom had to give me a suppository…I was terrified.

A: That for me makes the vaginal delivery worth it..I would die.

Q: Were looking forward to having sex again after your 40 days?

H: Absolutely not. Completely looking forward to not doing anything. I was on vacation.

A: Was Allan aware of this day?

H: Allan gets super overwhelmed with big things. Having a baby was very overwhelming for him and I honestly truly believe…Allan didn’t sleep. He would wake up every single night, he did all the shifts basically.

A: And what did you do?

H: I slept because I was “in pain” at home 😉

A: So you obviously bottle fed. Did you feel that people judged you because you didn’t breastfeed?

H: I didn’t care. In the hospital they were rude. Everyone else was super supportive.


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