Two weeks ago I thought I hit rock bottom. I haven’t slept consecutive hours since Santi was born, I felt victimized by Santi’s stamp attack and chose of color (threw the whole blue scheme out the window) and just felt overwhelmed. I think the thing or feeling that tipped me over the edge wasn’t so much that I was anxious, but coming to the realization that my trigger wasn’t just noise, it wasn’t just the mess–it was motherhood.
How the hell can my life be a trigger?
But it was. My attitude towards my children every time they made a mess or spoke too loud was obnoxious and unfair. They deserve a happy mom, they deserve a mom who isn’t on edge. So what do I do when those things don’t come naturally to me? I took away something that made me happy–I basically put myself in time out and was therefore forced to connect not just to my children, but to myself as well. Let me tell you something–it made all the difference.
Social media can be so beautiful and helpful. It allows us to connect with people around us and share stories and feelings. It helps me, at least, not feel so alone. But it can also be very overwhelming and isolating. On Monday evening I decided I needed to take a step back. I needed to stop focusing on how many messaged I was getting, making sure I answered every single person (so they don’t think I’m ungrateful or rude), checking to make sure my content is being read and appreciated, seeing if my follower count had gone up, etc… There are 1,000 things I was focusing on and anxiety over all of this plus the content I wanted to upload, quality time with Santiago, quality time with the kids–all of it was falling through the cracks.
Really, the most important thing in my life is my family so I have to make them a priority.
Sorry fans, you guys had to take a back seat for one week. I did receive countless messages from people that I haven’t even met before. Not just telling me that you missed me (which like OMG HOW CUTE), but also checking in to see if I was OK. My aunt literally unfollowed me because she hadn’t seen stories in 1 week and assumed I was off instagram (insert eye roll here). The most important thing, however, was that I got to spend extra time with Santiago (who was the sweetest in the entire world), Antonio (who is low-key the cutest kid on the planet and is so fat because he started eating and I can’t even), Joaquin (I spent time with him outside watching him to swim class which he’s basically Michael Phelps) and Santi (having Acee’s Icee’s and watching TV aka eating and chilling my two favorite things). I got 1 night of no kids whatsoever and spent the following morning having a delicious and relaxing breakfast with my hubby–and guess what we spent the entire time talking about? Our kids.
Because even though they were the cause of my much needed break, I can’t live without them.
So cheers to taking time for yourself–no matter what you do to feel like you again do it! We deserve it.